Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
