I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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