bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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