I must be too annoying 4 u.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
