Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come share oat with me in your robe
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
