remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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