She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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