It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
