It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
