doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
