do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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