Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
