If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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