there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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