Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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