a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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