I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
