I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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