there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
