your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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