So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
