Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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