I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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