yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
