so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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