And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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