sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Please, let me fuck your mom
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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