so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
