Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
