I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
