is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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