well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
