She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
