i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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