Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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