Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
