I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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