Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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