I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
