I hate your face
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
