Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
