its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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