how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
