Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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