it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
