I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
