watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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