I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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