dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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