It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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