I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
