So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
