I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
