Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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