I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
