are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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