he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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