In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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