when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
