mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
