You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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