Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
