In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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