and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
