My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
