You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
