ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He felt like a one man threesome
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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