god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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